Dan...
I long to see your smile...to see the excitement in your face as you talk about your interests and  passions.  I see your smile in pictures but it's just not the same.  How did you lose that?  where did it go wrong?  How could you surrender alone when we didn't even know you were in battle?  I wish you would have left us a clue as to why you had to leave.  The clues are falling into place, now, as if  you are guiding us to the aweful, bitter truth.  You have taught me so much, I know now what is important in life.  What not to take for granted.  I know now who my friends are and who I choose to be around me!  Why did such an horrible, traumatic event have to happen for me to see.   I want you here!  I no longer fear death, I know when it's my time I will finally get to see you again.  I love you so much!  My heart and soul will not be whole until we meet again!!!  Rest in peace! 

                                                 TEARS

    If tears were a stairway and memories a lane
We'd walk a golden carpet to a world without pain
    If heartaches were roses and sadness swept to sea
Life would be a resting place of palatial serenity

    If tears were hung as icicles on winter's tree of fir
Or flowing into vials of frankincense and myrrh
     Grant God the lonely blue, and throw away the key
A valued world to offer what a lovely place to be

     If tears could paint rainbows across a sky of gray
Or lift a broken spirit from the bluest empty day
     If innocence could be kept and never cast aside
We'd see a deeper felicity where no ever cried

    If tears were as the wind blowing away the snares
Whispering amid the leaves"I'll carry all the cares"
    No anchors would we need for Jesus has the hand
That wipes away the tears and erases pain of man


"larmes"

To Be With You Once Again
We think of you in silence
And often speak your name,
But all that's left to answer
Is your picture in a frame
If we could have one lifetime wish,
One dream that would come true,
We would pray to God with
All our hearts
For yesterday and you!

Uncle Danny,

                      Although to me you weren't my most well known relative, as the days went by after your death I began to hear about all your life stories. I heard so many stories that if I would have talked to you every day I wouldn't know more about you.

                      As everybody mourns over the loss of a beloved friend, uncle, relative, son, brother and all around amazing person the question of "why?" always seems to hit people. At such a young age you still had your life to live.

                      You may have had your reasons but it doesn't help the fact that you're gone.  Your departure from this world was a great tragedy. I pray no sorrow lives inside of you anymore, inside your new home, heaven. You are so very missed my dear uncle.

                       If only I had gotten to know you a little better.

                        "Even in death; you will always be loved"

                                                             Your caring nephew,

                                                                   Shawn

Our hearts ache in sadness,
  And sweet tears flow,
What it meant to lose you
  No one will ever know.

Slow Tears

I look up as a tear rolls slowly down my cheek I think about better days and wonder if I'll feel that way again you look at me with those eyes I know so well always serious, so deep and insightful as though you're always in control But not today not now Now you look so scared like for once you don't have the answer I gaze at you looking deep into those hazel eyes Hoping to understand why you've said those things you did I wonder for a moment if this is all a dream if I shall wake in the morning and be relieved you look at me with a confusion I have never seen slowly pull me towards you and wipe the tears from my cheek

                                        Don't Tell Me

Don't tell me that you understand,
Don't tell me that you know...
Don't tell me that I will surely survive,
How I will surely grow...

Don't tell me this is just a test,
That I am truly blessed...
That I am chosen for the task,
Apart from all the rest...

Don't come at me with answers,
That can only come from me...
Don't tell me how my grief will pass,
That I will soon be free...

Don't stand in pious judgment,
Of the bonds that I must untie...
Don't tell me how to suffer,
And don't tell me how to cry...

My life is filled with selfishness,
My pain is all I see...
But I need you, I need your love,
Unconditionally...

Accept me in my ups and downs,
I need someone to share...
Just hold my hand and let me cry,
And say, My friend, I care...

Author Unknown

Brother, please; Dan, please;

Ease my pain.

No words can explain the hurt that I feel.

No song can compare to sound of my cries.

No darkness can compete with the color of my dreams.

Dan please reply,

When I picture your face, my heart skips a beat.

When I hear the memory of your voice my mind is cracked open.

When I remember the feel of your hug my soul bleeds out loud.

Dan I need a sign.

If I recall your smile and your eyes I am crushed by grief.

If I glimpse your house of pain I could scream to the sky.

If I ever start to forget your face I feel I may die.

Dan WHY?

The choice that you made, how did you do it?

The pain you have relinquished, how could that be done?

The hopelessness you felt, how could you hide that?

Dan DAMNIT!

I feel so betrayed, so lost and scared.

That my brother could die and I wouldn’t be there.

What words could have held you back?

Could I have known them?

Would my unconditional love for you, been enough to halt your plan?

Or, was there a loneliness and loss far greater than it appears?

Dan, you gave me, us; no choice, no way to fight for you, you so

silently left us behind to forever mourn you.

                             Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds

    It has been said , time heals all wounds.
    I do not agree. The wounds remain.
    In time, the mind,(protecting its sanity),
        covers them with scar tissue
          and the pain lessens.
    But, it is never gone.

(Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy)

                                        REMEMBERING

     Go ahead and mention my child.
       The one that died, you know.
     Don't worry about hurting me further.
       The depth of my pain doesn't show.

     Don't worry about making me cry.
       I'm already crying inside.
     Help me to heal by releasing,
       The tears that I try to hide.

     I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
       Pretending he didn't exist.
     I'd rather you mention my child,
       Knowing that he has been missed.

     You asked me how I was doing.
       I say "pretty good" or "fine".
     But healing is something ongoing.
       I feel it will take a lifetime.

Elizabeth Dent

                                        Do Not Weep

   Do not stand at my grave and weep,
     I am not there, I do not sleep.

   I am a thousand winds that blow,
     I am the softly falling snow.
   I am the gentle showers of rain,
     I am the fields of ripening grain.

   I am in the morning hush,
     I am in the graceful rush
   Of beautiful birds in circling flight.
     I am in the star shine of the night.

   I am in the flowers that bloom,
     I am in a quiet room.
   I am in the birds that sing,
     I am in everything.

   Do not stand at my grave and cry,
     I am not there, I do not die.

Author- Mary E Frye

Why

Dan,

Why did you choose to die?

You left no note and me with why?

You thought you were doing what was best and right.

Why? Oh why, did you have to end the fight?

Your pain is something I will never understand.

You must have been so alone to take this stand.

You left me with a title I am so sad to attain.

SUICIDE SURVIVOR , but who should I blame?

I know your decision was painful to make.

The thoughts in your head,

Must have been unbearable to take.

Now that you're gone, I think of you a lot.

You couldn't have known the suffering you have brought.

I pray you at peace my brother, as I am in pain.

I count the minutes to heaven and seeing you again.

 

                         When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

     When tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not here to see.
    If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears.
      I wish so much you wouldn't  cry the way you did today,
    While thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.
      I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,
    And each time you think of me, please try to understand,
     That an angel came and called my name, and took me by the hand.
    And said my place was ready in Heaven far above,
     And I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love.
    But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,
       for all my life, I'd always thought  I didn't want to die.
    I had so much to live for and so much to do,
       It seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.
    I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad,
       I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had.
    If I could relive yesterday, I thought for just a while,
       I'd say good-bye and kiss you and maybe see you smile.
            But then I fully realized that this could never be,
    For emptiness and memories would take the place of me.
       And when I thought of worldly things, that I'd miss come tomorrow,
    I thought of you, and when I did my heart was filled with sorrow.
       But when I walked through Heaven's gates, I felt so much at home,
    When God looked down and smiled at me, from His great golden throne.
        He said "This is eternity and all I've promised you".
        Today for life on earth is past but here it starts anew.
         I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last,
       And since each day's the same day, no longing for the past.
          But you have been so faithful, so trusting, so true,
     Though there were times you did some things, you knew you shouldn't do.
          But you have been forgiven and now at last you're free.
          So won't you take my hand and share my life with me?
      So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,
          For every time you think of me, I'm right here in your heart.
"ANON"

IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY BROTHER


Where did the time go my brother, did we walk today?
In my spirit, in my mind, you're not far away.
Where did the time go my brother, did we share today?
Fond memories live in my heart, you'll be here always.

Where did the time go my brother, did we softly speak?
We'll share our joys and our pain, even while you sleep.

Where did the time go my brother, with teardrops in my eyes.
I will miss you everyday until the day I die.

                                        I'M STILL HERE

     Mother, please don't mourn for me
       I'm still here, don't you see.
  I'm right by your side each night and day
     and within your heart I long to stay.
     My body is gone but I'm always near.
     I'm everything you feel, see or hear.
     My spirit is free, but I'll never depart
  as long as you keep me alive in your heart.
      I'll never wander out of your sight-
   I'm the brightest star on a summer night.
      I'll never be beyond your reach-
  I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.
    I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around
  and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
    I'm the beautiful flowers of which you are fond.
       The clear cool water in a quiet pond.
  I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring,
        The first warm raindrop that April will bring.
  I'm the first ray of  light when the sun starts to shine,
     and you'll see the face in the moon is mine.
   When you start thinking there's no one to love you,
     you can talk to me through the lord above you,
  I'll whisper my answer through the leaves in the trees,
     and you'll find my presence in the soft summer breeze.
   I'm the salty tears that flow when you weep
     and the beautiful dreams that come when you sleep.
   I'm the smile you see on a baby's face,
 Just look for me Mother, I'm every place.

I have not turned my back on you,
So there is no need to cry.
I'm watching you from heaven,
Just beyond the morning sky.
I've seen you almost fall apart,
When you could barely stand.
I asked the Lord to comfort you,
And watched him take your hand.
He told me you are in more pain,
Then I could ever be.
He wiped his eyes and swallowed hard,
Then gave your hand to me.
Although you may not feel my touch,
Or see me by your side,
I've whispered that I love you,
While I wiped each tear you cried.
So please try not to ache for me,
We'll meet again one day,
Beyond the dark and stormy sky,
A Rainbow lights the way.

Today of all days your departure is hurting my heart...

                                  Precious Son

God, I know you gave your precious Son
To give us life with You.
But I didn't want my son to leave,
Cause he was precious too.
We all are precious in your eyes
And all to you return.
I know my son will not come back,
And I still have much to learn.
Our time on earth is for learning,
And when our lessons are through,
Our spirit chooses the time we leave,
And we come back to you.
My precious son is with you,
And there will be a day,
That I too will leave this earthly place,
And you will light my way.
I know your arms will be open,
And I will have a smile,
To see my God and precious son,
I will then become your child.

                                Today I Had a Victory

Today I had a victory
  I've reached the other side
And although you can't see me
  I haven't really died.

For I have passed from death to life
  Oh death, where is thy sting?
Today I sit at Jesus' feet
  I rest beneath His wings.

My loved ones all are gathering
  The ones who've gone before
And now they all begin to sing
  As I enter Heaven's door.

The angels too are singing
  As I stand before the throne
For they are here to welcome me
  Into my brand new home.

Oh what a blessed joyous day
  To pass from death to life
No longer is there any pain
 Nor is there any strife.